Jurassic World

Chris Pratt and pals, not pals.

Spoiler alert: THIS MOVIE BLOWS!

I didn’t go into it some easily offended Jurassic Park fanboy, or even with expectations beyond its run time allowing for the inhalation of popped corns, so take this vitriol completely salt free: this is the worst movie I’ve seen on the big screen since Alien vs Predator. Keep in mind I saw Jupiter Ascending for the sole purpose of its shittiness, and there still isn’t any competition. Jurassic World isn’t laughably bad, it’s painfully bad. It’s generically bad. It’s furniture from Walmart, roadside motel, standard definition infomercial, Velveeta bad. How is this movie not being universally panned? It’s on the same entombed level as the Transformers movies, and seeing as how the last entry in that series had hybrid dinosaurs, the only significant difference is roughly 40 minutes (thank god). Continue reading “Jurassic World”